All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
