you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
