NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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