the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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