Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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