He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize