i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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