His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
