I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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