i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
