using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's the barista slut.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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