Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
