I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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