Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
