try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
