you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
