Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
