"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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