Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
