Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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