I cannot find my penis.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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