So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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