You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
