So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
