are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
