I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
