im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize