thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
