im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
