Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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