there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
