I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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