i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
