I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
this boner is exhausting
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
