just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
