I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
