why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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