Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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