God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
