You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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