All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
