All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
