I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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