I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
