Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
