Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
