You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize