I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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