Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
