What a fucking waste of an outfit
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
