Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
third nipple confirmed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
