I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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