Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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