dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
