Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
