Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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