I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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