It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
