hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
