If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
