We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
