how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
