Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
