I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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