I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
