Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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