i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize