I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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