What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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