why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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