Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
