I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You can't special order awesome
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
