And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
