Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
NoShamevember. You game?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Enjoy the penises
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize