Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
