oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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