i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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