I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
