I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
