That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
