he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
