If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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